I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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