I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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