I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
