i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
