I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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