I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
