I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
