Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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