I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize