how can u be prego again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
