Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
