you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
