dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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