Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
