If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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