Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
