I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
