Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize