You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
