I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
