he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
