i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
