I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
