Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
