I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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