Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
