im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
