Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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