hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
