he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
