I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
