is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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