I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
