is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
