watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
