Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
