Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
