I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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