More tranny stories later!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
