i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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