I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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