i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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