Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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