i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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