Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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