My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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