I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
