why didn't you poke me back
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
