Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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