someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
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I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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