so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
