I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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