I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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