I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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