No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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