Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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