let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
