My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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