Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
