"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
