There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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