I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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