i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
