I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
