you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you never un-have a 4some
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
