mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
