I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
